Always Me
by Internal Bleeding
Summary: Its PG13 for infered suicide... after that not really anything. Sakura musing of her life. One shot. No pairings except maybe one sided Sasusaku.


A/N: I was really bored when I wrote this and its kinda dark. ^-^ I love dark stories! Angst is good for your soul! Well don't mind me... if you don't know all of the disclaimers for all of the fanfiction then you are strange... j/k!  
  
Oh and this is put in Sakura's POV  
  
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I was alone but then again wasn't I always alone. Come to think of it all the times I was with them I always felt alone. I don't care anymore though. Nothing in my life ever goes the way I want it instead it goes the exact opposite. Its not fair you know having nothing go your way. A famous saying that I'm sure even Naruto knows was "Nothing in life is fair". It made sense but its not entirely true. I'm sure even Naruto has had something go his way.  
  
Not me. I'm as plain as can be so plain in fact they see right through me.  
  
Well that's what I get for not having a goal except to please Sasuke. There was always that one thing getting in my way of actually being different and it was him. Even though I love him I also hate him. I hate him for being so god damned perfect. I hate him for being the way he is.  
  
I know its stupid to hate someone just because they act like themselves but he could try to be just a little different. Just a little would be enough to bring back all the sanity I had lost.  
  
I feel so stupid right now thinking I could actually forget about him, thinking that I can become different. I'm starting to sound like Hinata always wanting to change, but even she has a bigger chance of changing than I do.  
  
I often find myself asking if it was worth it to believe in love. What was that old saying again? Oh yeah, only a man who lived a life without regrets actually lived a life. Like that makes any sense. I bet Iruka-sensei made it up himself but then again wasn't I the one who memorized more than 100 ninja sayings and jutsus. Like I could perform any of those jutsus anyway. I probably could if I tried but I never try anything new even though I want to change things.  
  
Now I feel even more stupid. I want to be different but I'm not doing anything about it. Sometimes I wonder who is the smarter one Naruto or me. Sure most people would say me right away but here I am with a dream and I'm not doing anything about it.  
  
He was always the stronger one between me and him. There is no possible way I could ever beat him in a match. He wouldn't even have to try even if it was a friendly match.  
  
Right now there is too much pain to deal with in my life. Most of it I can't handle alone but hey I'm doing fine ain't I? Well that's what most people think anyway. Inside its collapsing, everything I worked so hard to make it seem that I was okay with my life, with the world, with everything, it was all slowly disappearing.  
  
I've been acting for so long I don't know what's real and what's not any more. Even though I want to tell someone I just can't. They won't be able to do anything about it. After all they never really knew me. Not one single person did, except me, myself, and I.  
  
Once the game has been started its too late to start over. Another one of those famous ninja sayings I memorized. Like it said I can't go back just move forward. The thing is I can't move forward. I'm glued to this one place that no one will help me out of.  
  
He was gone now, with Orochimaru probably, but I still wouldn't budge. No matter how hard I try I stay in this one place I can't move out of. Just because of him. It wasn't even his fault I fell for him. It wasn't his fault I messed my life up. It was never his... always mine.  
  
So why couldn't I move? Not even a step? Naruto was never the baka, it was always me.  
  
It was always me no matter how hard I try. It was always me needing to be saved. I was always the weakest. They were always looking down at me.  
  
When it comes to the last person standing, its always me. They protect me and end up disqualifying themselves. That's how I always thought of it. Everything was my fault not theirs just mine.  
  
Can you believe it took me this long to figure that out? To figure out why I won't move? It turns out I'm not smart at all. That's why I was always alone wasn't it? I kept lingering on the past and never moving on. That's why things never went my way... I never realized that's what's supposed to happen. It was simple cause and effect but I never saw it that way.  
  
Looks like I'll finally be able to move on. The blood feels warm. It was going to end this way sooner or later. My life was just a wasted one. Hmm my body's gone numb I wonder how much longer it will take. Not very I'm sure.  
  
If Sasuke ever comes back he'll know it wasn't his fault. To him nothing is ever his fault cause he can't see anyone other than himself. That's why he left with a mere thank you that means nothing now.  
  
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A/N: So what do you think? Good or bad? Needs improving or what? Well how am I supposed to know if you don't review? 


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